​Summer 2023 MiaMia out soon but you can read this article early,

Parenting With the Time We Have - Part 2

This article is edited from the second part of the talk given by Ruth Baker at the MU Sydney Annual Seminar 2023
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Woman on beach. Attribution Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

As a mum who is in paid employment outside the home, parenting with the time I have left is something of a preoccupation. In the last issue of Mia Mia, I presented the first 3 of 6 ideas to help us do that (modelling, intentionality and togetherness). Here are the second 3!
 
 


Consistency
Consistency is the key with anything isn’t it? If we’re not consistent, it won’t work. I am the proud survivor of about a million different diets that didn’t work because I wasn’t consistent!

But much of the Bible talks about steadfastness with the Christian faith and it’s such a key attribute of parenting. How is our steadfastness worked out in the home, especially when we’re so tired from work? By doing what you have intentioned to do and doing it consistently. James says in chapter 1 verses 2-4 ‘Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.’

James is writing to people who are facing very serious things that could steer them off course. The obstacles I’m talking about are being super busy and being time poor. But the sentiment remains the same. Busy-ness, juggling multiple needs, getting work done at the same time as parenting – these are the various kinds of trials that we are facing. And many of us will have other trials in the mix that nobody else knows about.

When we meet trials of any kind our faith is tested. Maybe for us it’s not the kind of testing that causes us to just walk away from the faith, but it could well be the kinds of trials which cause us to drift away from the faith.

This is where we get to exercise our steadfastness. We need to be steadfast in our faith and our modelling. We all know that kids need routine and consistency. So in the face of our trials, we need to work out what we can remain consistent about and then keep doing it.

This can be as simple as having anchor points in your week that you don’t have to think about, like church and youth and bible study. It could be the items you’ve developed in your intentionality[1] but whatever it is, it’s looking to do those things consistently.

Help
But sometimes that takes help.

In Acts 2:42 we see that the disciples devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everything is done together. It’s a community. It’s a village. And villages help each other. In our communities of faith, we have friends, trusted brothers and sisters, youth leaders, ministers.

When you’re in the moment it can be hard to remember that you can ask for help. We need to be OK enough with the chaos that work brings to be able to lean on the help and support that is present in the place where God has planted us.

It could be having a chat after church to get ideas about issues you’re struggling with regarding the time that you have. Talking to someone about how you might frame your intentionality piece. It could be asking for prayer or joining other families for a meal.

It could be talking to the youth leaders to see how church and home can reinforce messages in both places. It could be more practical help. For example, I had a week where I just knew the deadlines we were facing meant there was going to be some crazy hours, and a lovely Christian friend organised for meals to be delivered that week. It was so helpful for me, but it also showed my children God’s love in action too. It showed them what it looks like to be part of a family of God.

Prayer
So finally, prayer. Sometimes prayer can feel like the lamest thing when we’re in work mode. I know that’s a controversial thing to say, but it’s true, isn’t it? When we’re at work, we are paid, more often than not, to make decisions and be in control. We are paid to be the responsible person who will solve the problems. Whether we’re stacking shelves or running teams, we’re paid to be largely autonomous. So the idea of putting that on one side to lay things before God can be difficult. When you’re in the zone of work and doing what you’re employed to do, re-remembering that God still needs to be involved in this situation is really hard.

And some are actually paid to be the person in charge. So it takes a brain switch to put God in charge instead. And that can spill into our everyday life. Our ‘employed’ approach to prayer can become our learned behaviour in the home where we also have responsibility in the domestic sphere.

I can highly recommend Paul E Miller’s, A Praying Life[2]. It was a really practical book that helped me to change how I prayed for my children, particularly in the chaos I was feeling with work.

Miller says, ‘We prize accomplishments, production. But prayer is nothing but talking to God. It feels useless, as if we are wasting time. Every bone in our body screams “get to work.” But, he says, learning to pray doesn’t offer us a less busy life, it offers us a less busy heart.’

But prayer is real and necessary and good and effective. We should pray without ceasing because this is the confidence that we have, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us (1 John 5:14).

The great Martin Luther said that to be Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing. God wants us to talk to him. We need to talk to him. Our kids need to see us praying. They are learning from us about communicating with God. And we are praying for them and their daily issues and triumphs. We are praying for them as they grow, praying for their protection and praying for their eternity.

After reading Paul E Miller’s book, I started praying in conversation rather than in a formula I thought I had to follow. I told God about the kids’ day and about my day, as if I was telling my dad. Except I can ask God for things that my dad would not be able to help with at all. I can ask for God’s help in very specific ways. I can ask for his protective hand. I can ask for resolution.

We can speak to him about anything and everything and we can ask him for anything and everything. And the fuller our prayer life, the richer the relationship with God and the more intricately our kids see us animating our faith.

Ruth Baker
 
Pix: Woman on beach Attribution Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash
 
 
 [1] Mia Mia, Spring 2023, page 15
[2] Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life, Connecting with God in a distracting world, NavPress, 2017

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